Peter Kay's Universal Truths...
Never really 'got' Peter Kay as much as some but he can be a funny fucker at times. I got sent these as a bulletin to my myspace and I've put the ones I find most uncannily on point in bold.
1.Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2.At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3.One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4.You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5.Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6.Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7.Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8.You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9.Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
10.You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11.It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12.Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
13.Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14.You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
15.Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
16.The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
17.The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
18.Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
19.Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
20.Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
21.It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
22.Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
23.You never ever run out of salt.
24.Old ladies can eat more than you think.
25.You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
26.There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
27.No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
28.Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
29.The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
30.People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
31.You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
32.Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
33.Bricks are horrible to carry.
34.In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
35.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
And this was posted by a fella named Tecwen Hernandez The Third over on Brownswood. Lyrics by Half Man Half Biscuit (aka Nigel Blackwell), a Peel-championed acoustic act.
Bourgeois-baiting business. Its harsh.
To the tune of "He's got the Whole World..."
They've got the whole world
in their house,
they've got the whole wide world
in their house,
they've got the whole world
in their house,
to see the new conservatory
They didn't choose their cat,
the cat chose them,
they didn't choose their cat,
the cat chose them,
they didn't choose their cat,
the cat chose them,
and what do you know,
its got its own website,
they made some real good friends,
on Henman hill,
they made some real good friends,
on Henman hill,
they made some good friends,
on Henman hill,
now they all meet up for boxercise,
They buy soup in cartons,
not in tins,
They buy soup in cartons,
not in tins,
They buy soup in cartons,
not in tins,
And keep a torch in the back of the car,
They go to one-day cricket,
in fancy dress,
They go to one-day cricket,
in fancy dress,
They go to one-day cricket,
in fancy dress,
and choose the pub thats got the ball pond for the kids,
They treat the mercury music,
prize with awe
They treat the mercury music,
prize with awe
They treat the mercury music,
prize with awe
Obviously thats just jealousy on my part,
They seem to think,
it's a really good idea
They seem to think,
it's a really good idea
They seem to think,
it's a really good idea
To hire a stretch limosine,
He gets over emontional,
when he's drunk,
He gets all too emotional,
when he's drunk,
He gets over emontional,
when he's drunk,
And says,"I tell you what mate, that baby changed me life",
If I'd have known they were coming, I'd have slashed me wrists
Add in an extra verse....
They've got nothing but total
Respect for (repeat x3)
....Annie Lennox
The pic is of Underdog, another of those great 60s / 70s budget toons. I saw some of it this morning (dubbed into Spanish of course). Found out today its being made into a rather dry- looking live action movie.
Also saw some of the latest incarnation of Flipper. A character named Jefferson had two amazingly unrealistic heart attacks. I tried to get his name to see on imdb if he'd had a career up to that point but to no avail.
